part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
