thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
