I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
