Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Couch. On fire.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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