Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's the barista slut.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wear drunk well.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
