All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
