They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
