Sponge bath it is.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
