I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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