He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
