i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
