Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
