highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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