So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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