dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
