If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
