I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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