I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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