Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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