I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
