The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
