That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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