just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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