We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
