none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
