You're my little dorito
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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