ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
