His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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