Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got inside last night via doggy door
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
