i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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