Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
