So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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