I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
