I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
