Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
