No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
