mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
