I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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