What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
