So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
