I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
