Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's never too late to be topless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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