It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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