Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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