i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
