So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
