His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
