someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
