i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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