my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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